I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Randomize
