Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
