An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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