Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
