thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
