I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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