I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
