He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
