That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
