sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Text me some of your sweat
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
