i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
you never un-have a 4some
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
