I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
