low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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