She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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