I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
