Christians are straight up FREAKS
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
MIDGETS
????
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
