So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
