C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
