Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
