I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
3pm strippers are depressing
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
