So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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