I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
