I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I need water and some morals
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
