jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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