so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
