If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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