You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
