ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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