If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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