He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
