So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
