They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
