I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Randomize
