Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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