Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
