That's when you crack a 10am beer
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
