Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
