Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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