just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
