what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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