One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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