Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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