I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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