Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
