i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
