I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
40s are totally the cure
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
