Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
