This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
