I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
