So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
