Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
