I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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