He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
