I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
